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Single and Knocked Up! How Do I Break the News?

Preggers28: Hi, Big Sis. My name is… let’s call it ‘Preggers28’. I’m a 28-year-old Financial Analyst living in Lagos, and I just got knocked up! Oh, and No, I don’t have a boyfriend. Yes, it is really complicated. I live alone in Lagos city and I am lucky to be one of those independent women who are financially comfortable and self-sufficient. Working in Banking has afforded me the lifestyle of my dreams and I feel very blessed. Dating in Nigeria as a successful, independent, career woman can be very complicated. I think it is because for girls like me, our options are limited, and it gets worse as you get older. Many guys are not confident enough to date a woman who is more financially secure. So, we are left with either wealthy older guys (who are mostly already married, or single and looking for younger ladies they can seduce and attempt to control with wealth), or younger guys who just want to take advantage of your loneliness to rob you of your finances. This makes finding 'Mr. Right' very difficult, and leaves you sexually frustrated. I’ve always been comfortable with my sexuality, so, I always find my way around meeting this very human need (even though women are expected to be miraculously excluded from having such desires). Anyways, I have a couple of male ‘friends with benefits’ who help me in meeting this need. I always make sure I’m safe. But, for some reason I got carried away with one of my friends and now, well, I have a bun in the oven. The father of the baby is a nice guy, but he is now in a serious relationship and seems to be very happy. He told me the other day that she was ‘the one’. I’m now in my 2nd trimester and hiding this secret from my co-workers and family is becoming more and more difficult. What’s worse is that my parents are very old school and would not take this very well. At this point, I’m really considering taking a sabbatical and travelling out of the country to have my baby to keep this secret. But it has become more apparent that I need to tell my parents and my baby’s father the truth. How do I do this?

Big Sis: Hi, Preggers28! (Love the name by the way!). First of all, I want to say, I am so proud of you. I love that you’re an independent woman who’s breaking social standards and living most authentically. We can never have enough of women like you. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Honestly, I do not think it is something you should be ashamed of or hide from your family or even the father of the baby. You have come this far in your life by yourself and as you take a leap into this new adventure, you’re going to have to push through independently. I think you are hoping to get some level of support and validation from the people around you on this news and you are scared to speak to people about it because you do not want to be rejected and judged once you share the news. This should not be the case. The truth is that with everything in life, people would always have opinions. Sometimes people will support you, or not, and that is okay. Instead of seeking support and validation, just find the strength to go through this as the strong, independent woman that you are regardless of society's opinions. I am very sure your parents would be excited to hear this news. Yes, they may be a little concerned or worried that you are doing this on your own, but I am sure they believe in you... and, no parent would be sad to find out that they are about to become grandparents. So, be excited to break the good news to them! It is good news after all. For the Baby’s Daddy, it is important that you understand what you want from him as the baby’s father first. Do you want to share custody? Do you want him to provide child support? Whatever it is, write it down and be ready to have the conversation with him. It could go good or bad. He could deny that he is the father, or ask for a paternity test, or be very excited to start the journey with you. Which ever way it goes, be sure that you will be successful as a mother with or without a man’s help. We believe in you, babe. It is an exciting new journey ahead Preggers28. I am so excited for you! All the best! Please write to us once your bundle of joy arrives. Congratulations again.


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